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  • No joke, a choir will be singing in the store on Sunday, March 16 at 5pm

  • People are really into the lard today.

  • I heard scurvy is just a myth. Who believes me?

  • GUARD YOUR NOSES — THE LARD IS NOW OFFICIALLY RANCID. I KNOW, GROSS, RIGHT?

  • Who knows how to remove lard from jeans? This is not a rhetorical question.

  • Today in the pirate store, we are more hopeful than usual.

  • I just invented deck prism hats. Now they exist. And they can never not exist again.

  • The Pirate Store is once again selling weapons in the form of leather whips.

  • The mops are fully functioning and radiant with potential.

  • Definitely one of the top five pirate stores I’ve been to recently. —David Byrne