Today, a man came in and donated his hand. Just up and plopped it in the donation jar. Before you start letting your mind wander and gush about what a great, generous dude he is, consider the following: The hand’s still attached to his old, chubby, fat body. Please, everyone—I’m gonna say this once in all caps, and then I will never say it again: SEVER A HAND BEFORE YOU DONATE IT. We appreciate the gesture, but we can’t have guys just standing around with their hands in the donation jar all the time. People would start to talk. Like the guy I was just talking about. He started to talk and won’t stop and I have delved into the recesses of my mind for my backup conversation topics and—you know what?—I’m out. Completely dry. I have nothing left to say.