We got a call this morning from this guy, urgently requesting that we expedite him a Monkey Leash. Like, overnight it. He could not wait the standard three to five business days it would take for the package to get there.

What the heck is going on with that? Is a monkey attacking that guy? Or running away real fast and getting into stuff? Is he spoiling tea time?

We’re concerned.

Anyway, the guy said he’d call us right back and then he never called us back. All we know about him is he’s Canadian. So, any Canadians reading this—if you know that guy, or you’re hearing some screeching and howling that you’re not used to hearing, or otherwise have something monkey-wise going on—let us know. We’ve seen this kind of thing before. And trust us—one over-nighted leash is not going to solve all your problems. You’re going to need a dozen or so. And a flashlight. And oven mitts. This is going to be a long night.