USELESS KNOTS THAT NEED TO BE RETIRED BECAUSE I HATE THEM

By Gray Bones Mary

Every day we walk a balancing act between progress and tradition in this line of work. Sometimes, though, you need to take a stand for what makes the most sense and do away with old practices that are getting in the way. I know for a fact that knots are a place where we could all stand to clean house. Or clean ship. I actually did sale on a house once and it was a deeply enriching experience.

No matter what you might be sailing on, you have to hear me out guys; some of these knots simply must go. The Half-Divine Trident Knot, for instance, is prone to jamming, and usually elicits a C&D letter from Poseidon on the grounds of intellectual property theft. I thought we were plundering for personal wealth and glory, not constant legal fees. Similarly, I would be thoroughly pleased if I never had to tie a Bronzed Zeppelin Hitch because, I’ll be honest, it just reminds me of having to socialize with smug air ship captains at port towns. It also gets soggy really fast.

I’m not saying we need to throw  the doubloons out with the cursed strongbox, but it is time to be honest about what’s getting in the way of a successful voyage. Yes there’s a poetry to the loops of a Wayman’s Grief Knot, or the artful bends of a Wayman’s Emotional Healing Knot, but their usefulness has passed. Unless the reason we keep these old knots around is because if we don’t, the ghosts of their original inventors will haunt us all. Nobody’s told me if that’s what’s actually going on, but it seems likely.

 

 

Sounds like Mary is onto some new design philosophy for her knots. Frank Lloyd Wright would be so proud! Come develop your own knots at 826 Valencia!