ATTENTION FINE PEOPLE! We invite you to stop by The Pirate Supply Store before May 29th, 2013 to stock up on peg legs, beard dye and glass eyes! The store will be closed May 30 through mid-July due to necessary ship repairs.

We purveyors of piratical supplies want to extend our wholehearted apologies for any inconvenience caused to those seeking fresh leeches and quality planks. Our leeches are the freshest, and our planks do provide the most bounce, so we understand that this closure may affect those with leech and plank purchasing needs.

We will, however, maintain out virtual storefront, and we will continue to ship the finest of seafaring wares to lands near and far. Additionally, you can follow the Pirate Supply Store on Facebook and Twitter to hear about Pasha’s adventures outside of the Fish Theatre, and to receive news about Pirate Store popups during the summer. If you’d like to purchase any Pirate Store items you don’t see on the website, contact piratestore@826valencia.org. Many of your favorite items will still be available even if not immediately obvious.

We greatly appreciate your continued support of our free student programs.

Interested in piecing together your past as an international seafaring ne’erdowell? Find out all the sordid details with a personal clairvoyant reading performed by the original Pirate Supply Store manager, Yosh Han!

Readings will take place at the Pirate Store on Saturday, May 11th from 1-5pm.

15 minute sessions for a suggested donation of $20-$50. All proceeds benefit the free student programming of 826 Valencia.

Just thought we’d let you know: The pirate store will open up at 1:00 pm instead of noon this Friday. Let’s just say we’ve got some long-overdue careening to do on a schooner we picked up off a guy named “Shrimpy Tim” that we’d rather do in private. Sorry in advance for any inconvenience, bad smells, or bad blood this change of schedule may cause. If there was another way, believe us, we would have taken it. Our hands are tied.

We thought you should know. Stop by another time. We’ll be happy to see you.

In case you were wondering, our store at 826 Valencia St in San Francisco will be closed December 24th and 25th. So, if you were in San Francisco, and you were thinking of setting sail on either of those days and you were picturing yourself gallantly bursting into the pirate store to pick up a last-minute Monkey Leash or eyepatch, or Brain Bucket—think again! Maybe even re-think the whole voyage. We’re just saying—maybe some downtime around the house would do you some good. Might be a good time to get some long-put-off chores done, you know? Hint hint? All those gutters that need flushing? And all that grout that needs a good grout-scrape? And the dog? And the dishes? The filthy piled-up piles of dishes covered in things only you eat? And remember how we all agreed to each share responsibility for cleaning around the house, and everyone but one person set down diligently to work? This ringing any bells? Hello? Jenny? Jenny, pay attention to me when I’m talking to you.

Where was I? Oh yes. We’ll open up again on the December 26th. Happy Holidays!

We got a call this morning from this guy, urgently requesting that we expedite him a Monkey Leash. Like, overnight it. He could not wait the standard three to five business days it would take for the package to get there.

What the heck is going on with that? Is a monkey attacking that guy? Or running away real fast and getting into stuff? Is he spoiling tea time?

We’re concerned.

Anyway, the guy said he’d call us right back and then he never called us back. All we know about him is he’s Canadian. So, any Canadians reading this—if you know that guy, or you’re hearing some screeching and howling that you’re not used to hearing, or otherwise have something monkey-wise going on—let us know. We’ve seen this kind of thing before. And trust us—one over-nighted leash is not going to solve all your problems. You’re going to need a dozen or so. And a flashlight. And oven mitts. This is going to be a long night.

Your ship’s cabin is looking like a pig sty. Oh, wait, it literally is a pig sty? Like, a real pig lives in there with you? Her name is Eugenia? Well, in that case, it looks really great. Like a real nice place for a human being to live. Anyway, pig sty or not, you could use some new posters. Spruce up your space with these four brand new pirate posters—designed by us, for you, because we’re as sick of looking at the things you’ve put up on your walls as you ought to be.

Posters are 18″ x 24″, screen printed on really dark brown French paper by Bloom Press in Oakland. They are $20.00 each. Click on the images above to order yours today.

NOTE: This is a pre-order; these will ship the first week of December, just in time for the holidays.